Blurb Clinic Day 4 ~ Help my blurb!

Which Blurb piques your interest most? free polls 


Blurb #1

The remnants of the United States of America have been divided. From five enormous, technologically-advanced cities, the Greaters rule over the Lessers. In the Lesser village of Orchard, things are not as perfect as Abby Kelley believes they are.

When the apple harvest draws near and the Greater’s engineered fruits become too much for one village to handle alone, reinforcements from neighboring villages are called upon. Having to choose between her best friend, whom she has no romantic feelings for, and mysterious newcomer Crew, Abby finds herself in the middle of a harvest that she had no intention of becoming a part of. She forced in a situation that threatens the strict rule of the Greaters, and just might give the Lessers hope for a better tomorrow. But, can she help the Lessers without losing Crew?

Blurb #2

For the first time in her life, Becky had hopes of fulfilling her own dreams. Her little girl desires of a world filled with magic started to become a reality when Blaine Winters came into her life and teased her with possibilities she never thought imaginable. Not only did he reveal that magic was indeed real, but he also stirred feelings in her that she had only read about in romance novels. Just when things looked like they may start to fall into place for Becky, her life gets turned upside down by her father’s sudden illness, causing her to take a much more aggressive role in the family business she hates sooner than she anticipated. Now she finds herself with even less time for anything other than work. With the overwhelming demands of running an entire company, she’s forced once again to forget all about her whimsical thoughts and personal desires.

Will Becky be forced to give up on her dreams for good this time? And what about Ethan and Blaine, will either of them be able to tempt her past her devotion to her family?

Blurb #3

First love is the sweetest….
Jax and Jacey are everyone’s favorite couple, even though they’ve barely kissed.

In kindergarten, Jax pulled out a chair for Jacey and swept the play dough off so that she would sit down next to him and he’s been carving out ways for them to stick together ever since. Though everyone in their conservative, small beach town sees them as a couple, they’re not, exactly. Because while they both want more, they’ve agreed to wait.

Jacey works hard, respects her elders and follows every spoken and silent rule about fitting in and doing the ‘right’ thing. She doesn’t dare give the gossips more fodder from her family, so she’s kept Jax firmly in the friendzone. It takes a hurricane for her to realize timing is everything, but months later she’s still too afraid to put her heart on the line and tell him how she feels. Then plans change – hers for summer and his for college, and Jacey needs to make the most of the time she and Jax have left, or stay stuck in the land of missed beginnings forever.

What would you change to help these blurbs turn around?


Each of these Blurbs was donated by an anonymous author who is looking for help and advice! Do you see room for improvement – feel free to offer up a word of encouragement or nugget of critique – you won’t step on any toes!

Comment as often as you like – but be sure to contribute to the conversation – one Random Commentor during Blurb Week will receive a $10 Amazon Gift Card!